A few weeks ago my brother Elijah died in a car accident. (this is a picture of him) Experiencing this together as a family has been a difficult, yet precious thing. Most of the kids were too young to know him much, but Shaun and Jacob have been affected by his death, and even the baby seems to sense that something is different. We are missing him together and trying to help eachother through. But more than that we are feeling upheld by the Lord and the many prayers and thoughts that are being given for us and my family. People have been so good to us and we can feel so much love being sent our way.
I am in awe at the effect my brother is having even from beyond this world - learning about his life and his gifts has made me and others examine our own lives and what we want to become ourselves. And for me, most of all, I find myself driven to strengthen the bonds between me and the ones I love. I was thinking this morning about how fitting his name, Elijah, seems now. The spirit of Elijah, as described in the Bible, is the power that turns the hearts of the children to the fathers and the hearts of fathers to their children. It seems to me now, too, that that same spirit can turn the hearts of brothers and sisters to one another, as well as to aunts and uncles, cousins, and every other member of the human family, in love. This is what my brother's passing has done to me - made me want to draw my loved ones closer, to know them better and be know by them, and to let them know of my love and acceptance for them before any more time passes. My biggest sadness at losing my brother is the time and opportunities I lost to do these things while he was here. I moved out and started my own family 11 yrs ago, and I had less time with him than anyone else in my family. I wish I had tried harder to keep in touch with him, and that the times I saw him would have been used to learn more about him and his interests, and to express interest and love instead of judgment. I have too often fallen into the 'bossy big sister' role, trying to change my siblings or give advice when I think they need it. Now I realize that expressing love for them as they are now is more important. I am hoping to become a better friend now to them and enjoy their friendship too.
It is a comfort knowing that my brother probably knows now the love that I and others had for him even when we didn't always express it in a perfect way. I want to make my expressions more often and more understood so that my family that is here now will always know I care. I'm sure I will still make mistakes, but this is my goal.
I am in awe at the effect my brother is having even from beyond this world - learning about his life and his gifts has made me and others examine our own lives and what we want to become ourselves. And for me, most of all, I find myself driven to strengthen the bonds between me and the ones I love. I was thinking this morning about how fitting his name, Elijah, seems now. The spirit of Elijah, as described in the Bible, is the power that turns the hearts of the children to the fathers and the hearts of fathers to their children. It seems to me now, too, that that same spirit can turn the hearts of brothers and sisters to one another, as well as to aunts and uncles, cousins, and every other member of the human family, in love. This is what my brother's passing has done to me - made me want to draw my loved ones closer, to know them better and be know by them, and to let them know of my love and acceptance for them before any more time passes. My biggest sadness at losing my brother is the time and opportunities I lost to do these things while he was here. I moved out and started my own family 11 yrs ago, and I had less time with him than anyone else in my family. I wish I had tried harder to keep in touch with him, and that the times I saw him would have been used to learn more about him and his interests, and to express interest and love instead of judgment. I have too often fallen into the 'bossy big sister' role, trying to change my siblings or give advice when I think they need it. Now I realize that expressing love for them as they are now is more important. I am hoping to become a better friend now to them and enjoy their friendship too.
It is a comfort knowing that my brother probably knows now the love that I and others had for him even when we didn't always express it in a perfect way. I want to make my expressions more often and more understood so that my family that is here now will always know I care. I'm sure I will still make mistakes, but this is my goal.
3 comments:
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings about this difficult time in your lives. You are an amazing person. I hope you doing well.
Alysia, what an example you are to me.
I was reading over your end of the year overview and had to look back to find this post that I hadn't seen before, nor did I know anything about his passing. I am so sorry. . . this past december was the 25th anniversary of my brother's and dad's death. It is so difficult to out of the blue, lose someone you love so completely. I'm so sorry for your loss.
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